Friday, July 15, 2011

"I'll be your velcro"

I haven't posted in a while mainly because if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all- While that isn't entirely true it is not that far off. We have been in the midst of the terrible 3's (there is such a thing!?) and for the first time a bit of sibling adjustment issues, plus the usual teething, sleep, jetlag issues.. And that is just on the kids end! None the less it can all be utterly exhausting and challenging at times. We have done a ton of wonderful projects which I will get around to sharing with you, plus had a really great and for the most part tantrum free trip to England, and we have had some really nice moments. But it gets hard when your "moments" are being overshadowed by hours and days all of which are being navigated through a cloud of sleepy haze.
I don't want to be a big moaner, I mean we are so blessed and so lucky in millions of ways and I am ever thankful and well aware. I do however want to be honest and not feel like I need to be miss sunshine all the time, I mean hell- parenting is hard and a ton of responsibility and it never quits. It doesn't exactly feel rewarding when this little being you put all of your time and energy into kicks you or spits at you, or lays on a sidewalk screaming that you are not nice (because you wont let her run into traffic, how cruel).. In fact it makes you feel like a bit of a failure. I know the behavior is more about her learning her self and her boundaries and expressing this confusion as she goes from independent to dependant and back and forth etc- than it is about me. But it really is hard to put all of your self and existence and efforts into trying to raise these beings into good people and then have it more or less blow up in your face.
Deep breath. And again, and again. I peek in at my children sleeping (if and when they sleep) and I know inside it is all worth it and I would not trade this job for any in the entire world. I would give anything for their well being. And it will all be worth it. And I repeat this to myself again and again..
Driving around running errands today after a wonderful(despite among other things S touching a no touch despite my 50 warnings and shattering a piece of hand crafted pottery which I was promptly charged for) morning in the company of a dear friend of ours, my song of the summer "velcro" by Bell X1 came on the radio. As I sang along with the windows open and not a cloud in the sky I glanced in the rear view mirror to catch a glimpse of H sleeping sweetly in his car seat and S rocking out and singing along like the cutest thing on two feet.
"I'll be your tongue.
You'll be my groove.
I'll be your positive.
You'll be my negative.
I'll be your tongue.
You'll be my groove.
I'll drive the get away.
And you bring the glue.
I'll be your velcro."

These kids and my husband, my family, they are my velcro. They hold me together. They complete me. They compliment my every feature and fill my every gap and round out my every flaw. And I am honored and fortunate to do the same to them. I am whole but they make me a full picture. That is so much bigger and stronger and more pertinent than anything. That in itself is my energy. It pulls me through and makes me a better person. A better friend, a better daughter, sister, and individual. So yeah, times aren't the most fun right now, we are in a bit of a rough patch. But I can be the soft and fuzzy to balance out the scratchy.

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