Friday, June 24, 2011
What is the significance behind the expression "uncle"? Not the brother-of-your-parent type but when two people are wrestling and one is ready to give up, "say uncle.." anyhow- that is the sort of week I am having. And it is coming at me from a number of angles. For one thing, having two kids is like so totally no big deal compared to one, UNTIL the second one starts crawling. Um, yeah, not so easy anymore. The second one is climbing and crawling and pulling and chasing anything not meant for babies such as the dog, the dogs food, any small choking hazard, anything his sister would freak if he touched. And she is freaking. She also has finished school for the summer. I so did not think this would be a big deal, "she only goes for all of 5 hours a week if even, we will be busy and outside and active and having adventures..." but nope it hasn't quite worked like that. It has either been too hot or too cold or too wet 95% of the time so we are completely limited in what we can do each day and she is getting really good at testing boundaries, trying on different personalities or asserting her authority. Maybe she is bored, or antsy, or restless perhaps? Maybe I am too. The thing is I am tired. Very tired. I no longer sit still for five minutes yet feel completely sedentary as working out is impossible. I feel like I look 4 months pregnant or like the baby should be 4 weeks old or something.. not good. Really. And She is no longer napping. Or at least most days and when she does nap she is up all into the night, like 10:00 or later. I certainly can't stay up until 10pm!! Because I am tired. And even if I could stay up until 10pm I have a long list of ten million things that I need to get done; laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, work as in the thing that pays me, laundry, and that doesn't touch on the stuff like showering or reorganizing the summer clothes or all that stuff. None of which can be done now that I am constantly pulling the baby out of harm's way or talking S down from the kitchen table.
Maybe we were spoiled with S as we never really had to remove breakables or worry too much. Maybe it was just easier because there was more attention to focus on her? Just during the course of typing this I have removed him from the outlets, cables, dvd, etc 15 times? At least? Maybe there was less laundry to be done? Less people to schedule sleep and down time around? The thing is I wouldn't trade it for the world and when I have it I totally feel like I have it. But this week I don't feel like I have it. So it brings me to the point where I am ready to say "uncle". I guess this has been building because we did recently make the decision to have our cleaning people in weekly as opposed to bi-weekly. Which is a help and I do consider it fortunate we have the means to do so but now there is this thing called "cleaning for the cleaners" that happens just that much more frequently. When do I have time to make sure everything is off the floor and tables and counters and sofa cushions aren't strewn around the room and shoes aren't in the planters? After 10pm.. So being that we have no family anywhere near us (3 hour drive or 5 hour flight) I feel like I need to call in some backup. But that gets complicated- who, what, how much, and then of coarse how much ($)?
There is part of me that knows it is important to practice separation from the kids. For them to learn other adults are safe and that I always come back. So maybe we get our occasional sitter more often? The thing is there is another part of me that doesn't want to give up that much time with them. It all goes so fastas it is, they are only little for such a short while and they are so very preciouse to me not to mention impressionable. Can I really find someone we can share that with? Plus the whole would you really rather cook and clean while the kids are at the playground or pool with a sitter? Um, no. So do we get an occasional "house keeper"? This for some reason is a hard concept for me. I don't want to do our laundry why would somebody else? I mean I enjoy cooking, I don't mind grocery shopping, I know where everything is meant to go when tidying the house and I'm pretty particular about how it should be. I know what the kids like to eat and how I like things prepared and maybe really it just comes down to the fact that I am a bit of a control freak? Likely. Maybe what I really need is an extra set of arms or eyes or who knows. All I know is that it is all about balance and this bike feels like it is missing a wheel. So obviously I need to work on letting go and pulling in help. Not quite sure where to go other than there right now. Thoughts?
*an unrelated side-note- as I realize I am naming this post "uncle", last night the kids great-great uncle passed away. He was a gentleman, a shoemaker, and leaves lasting impressions on both the footwear industry and our hearts. Rest in peace Uncle Nathan.